Finding The Missing Pieces

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    A college student's journey to put herself back together
    Got back from my therapy session April 20th, 2016

    So, I had a pretty interesting session. Sad thing is I might have to transition at one point to another therapist, as my therapist at the moment is lovely, but she did admit she mostly works with kids and teenagers and I’m an adult now (she started seeing me as a senior in high school), and so I might have to see a good adult therapist. I guess I’m just worried about the next therapist — what if they either think I’m stupid for “not getting things” earlier or they kind of laugh off my situation? I know I already wonder if I’m crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe this is the story of one woman losing touch with reality or something. I know I’ve had periods where I feel…detached from reality. (I might have to deal with that and the matter of the anger issues)

    I guess I just feel stupid. Defective. Maybe it doesn’t help that when I was first doing research there was this one webpage who called victims (or people in the investigative stage, where I am) things like weak, stupid, bad people, things like that — which really isn’t true at all. Then again, I guess feeling stupid and defective started at…probably the age of one, actually, thanks to a daycare worker who thought that one year olds could feed themselves on their own and there was something wrong with me for not doing so. (I spoke with my guidance counselor, and she said that that was ridiculous. She happens to be a parent herself)

    And I think that feeling of being defective or stupid might have carried over into my anger issues, which I think are partially a self-protective sort of thing.

    So yeah, I have…shit to deal with. Hopefully I can deal with it however I can.


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